I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
