1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
