he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Do you remember whose house we're in?
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
