is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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