if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
