When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
