I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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