I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
