David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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