Sponge bath it is.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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