In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
