All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
