Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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