so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
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