i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
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