Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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