just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Randomize
