Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
