The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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