i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
