Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
