everyone is single if you try hard enough
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
whose parrot is this?
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
