I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
