im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
