Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
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