You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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