i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
