Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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