Your face is a jimmy john
Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
