Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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