went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
