I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Randomize
