I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I fill condoms, not promises.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
