My hand turned me down
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
