Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
My Sexting was not on an AP level
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
