epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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