dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
