I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
