I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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