hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
