And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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