Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Randomize
