My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
