She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
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