I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
i now understand why vodka
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
