sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
We are two peas in an std pod
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
