it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
