You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Randomize
