If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
The adults are the big ones right?
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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