Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
