Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
