You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
i can't believe i had my finger in that
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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