Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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