Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
