your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Moan for me like Helen Keller
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
