i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Randomize
