the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
