I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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